Dementia, The Warning Signs - If Only We knew….

Dementia, The Warning Signs - If Only We knew….

By: Jack Bybee.

© 2025. JBAS Productions.

“Dad… Dad! It’s Grandma… she’s walking off into the park again. Dad… I tried stop her… Dad, Dad come quickly!”
My three-and-a-half year old daughter had to take on a responsibility, the burden of which was unfair, certainly for her age. We survived.

To this day, soo many years later, if only we had been aware of the warning signs - and if only we had a health care system that cared for its young and its elderly. In the late 1980’s ‘Obamacare’ had not even been discussed.

Caring for someone whose memory and mind begin to slip away is both heartbreaking and humbling. Dementia doesn’t arrive all at once — it drifts in quietly, like fog over a familiar landscape, softening edges and obscuring once-clear paths. As a caregiver or family member (or both) you notice subtle changes long before any diagnosis: a forgotten name, a misplaced word, a lost sense of time. 

At first, you compensate, gently filling the gaps. But gradually, the pattern becomes unmistakable. What follows are the key signs that memory and identity may be fading, drawn from both clinical understanding and the quiet lessons learned at the bedside.

1. Memory Loss Disrupting Daily Life:

Memory loss is often the first and most distressing symptom to appear — for both the patient and their family or caregiver. 

WARNING SIGNS: 

• Misplacing objects, car keys, a purse, something very familiar, and often casting suspicion on others, that a piece of clothing, like a bandana, had been stolen - chances are the patient has merely misplaced the object and forgotten where it was placed. 
• Repeating the same question within minutes or forgetting conversations.
• Lapses of memory becoming more frequent and interfering with independence. 
• Forgetting recent meals, familiar routes, or the names of people they often meet. 
• As a caregiver or family member (or both), you may find yourself quietly adjusting — leaving reminder notes, labeling cupboards, or repeating stories patiently — long before realizing that something deeper than simple forgetfulness is at play
• Cooking at the gas stove, leaving the gas on, and forgetting it is on. This could have devastating results. Solution: Remove the knobs on the stove. Store the knobs where the caregiver can find them but not the patient.
• Wandering, as the patient seeks to return to what was, a dear memory, a familiar residence or location.  Solution: replacing locks on doors leading to the outside. If found wandering into a city or suburban area, alert law enforcement.

2. Difficulty with Familiar Tasks:

WARNING SIGNS:

• Cooking a favorite recipe, like broiled chicken, over and over, day after day, the same ingredient, with the comment: “... it (the chicken) is so nice, we haven’t had chicken for so long….” When the patient has forgotten what had been cooked for the previous three or four days - broiled chicken - every day!
• Managing bank accounts and finances.  This is an issue ripe for scammers, attempting to defraud the patient. Alert the bank. Take control of the patient's finances. Here, obtain a legal power of attorney, to facilitate acting on behalf of the patient.
• The TV remote and its use becomes confusing. 
• Starting a task, then stopping mid-way, unable to recall the next step. 
• Familiar surroundings and routines feel foreign. 
• Frustration or embarrassment is noticed, when, as a caregiver or family member, the patient  attempts once-simple activities. Often, this isn’t mere stubbornness but a genuine cognitive breakdown in sequencing and recall — the brain’s ability to string together learned steps has begun to falter.

3. Language or Communication Problems:

WARNING SIGNS:

• Words begin to vanish mid-sentence, replaced by vague terms like “that thing” or “you know.” 
• Withdrawing from conversation, sensing their speech no longer keeps pace with their thoughts.
• Misunderstanding what others say, especially if too many people talk at once. 
• As a caregiver or family member, you learn to slow your speech, simplify questions, and use tone and expression as much as words. 
• Communication becomes less about precise language and more about emotional connection.

4. Disorientation or Confusion:

WARNING SIGNS:

• Familiar places become unfamiliar. One of the most painful moments as a family member or caregiver is when a familiar place becomes unfamiliar to the person you love, the patient. 
• The patient may no longer recognize their own home at dusk, get disorientated while driving, or they might set out for the store and forget the way back. 
• Walking away… repeatedly trying to return to a residence of their adolescence or childhood. This can be a major challenge for the family member or caregiver.
• Repeated telephone use. Dialing the same number, but the patient not remembering why or who the patient is calling in the first place. The patient does remember the telephone number. Alert the phone company.
• Time also loses shape — days and nights blur together. This disorientation can cause deep anxiety and a sense of vulnerability, both for them and for you, the caregiver. 
• In moments of disorientation, patience is needed with gentle reassurance. A stable routine becomes an anchor against a sea of confusion.

5. Changes in Mood, Behavior, or Judgment:

WARNING SIGNS:

• Quiet people may become irritable or suspicious, while once-outgoing individuals retreat into silence. These personality shifts can emerge, and are yet again, another warning sign of the onset of dementia.
• Judgment falters; decisions may seem impulsive or inappropriate. 
• As a caregiver or family member, you may find yourself walking a delicate balance between honoring their autonomy and ensuring their safety. 
• These behavioral changes often reflect the brain’s struggle to interpret the world coherently — the emotional filter that once tempered reactions is breaking down. 
• Compassion and consistency become great tools.

Closing Reflection:

Recommended Reading: The 36 Hour Day. by Nancy Mace. $23.63.

What we found invaluable, a dear soul, a shoulder to cry on. A therapist concerned with the families’ wellbeing. Should you have the marvelous experience of finding such a dear soul, that person is worth their weight in gold !

Dementia teaches those who care to listen that life is lived moment to moment — not in the past, nor in the worry of what’s coming, but in the presence of shared compassion. Each smile, each fleeting moment of recognition, becomes precious. Though memory fades, emotion endures — love, comfort, and kindness still reach where words no longer can. As caregivers, we learn that while the mind may lose its maps, the heart often remembers the way home.

As the Primary Caregiver to his Mother-in-Law, Jack Bybee received a solemn but forceful slap-in-the-face, when first asking for help from society and family to care for an aging family member. The hurt of the family turning its back on his wife and child, that hurt, regrettably, lingers to this day. For better or for worse, having any help, from anywhere or anyone, might still have saved the marriage. Help was not forthcoming.
My daughter? A true survivor. Now a United States Diplomat posted abroad.

To you, dear caregiver, ‘May the Force be with You - and Yours’

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As a primary caregiver and son-in-law, Jack Bybee discovered more about himself, in the nearly three years of caregiving, than he could ever have imagined. To this day, he is deeply indebted to his daughter and therapist.
Contact via: .eMail Jack .